Entry 4: Looking at it through a kaleidoscope

 It is different waking up with the sun. Cancel that. It is different waking up when the sun is only beginning to rise and the sky is between the colors of gray, dark blue, and blue. It is magnificent. Driving to work in the early mornings makes her happy because there is almost no traffic and feels as if there is a moment wherein there is only her and the Earth for once. Only her and the early morning air and cool, calm wind.

She drives the street where she graduated high school is at. It is surreal to see the school empty - and changed. Definitely changed. So much has changed in the past six years. There is a new (already about six-years-old!) gate at the back, and from the pictures she peeks at on her cousin's Instagram, the cafeteria has changed, and several other places as well.

Usually, some alumni visits their alma mater within a year or two out of high school, but strangely enough, she and her sister never once did. In truth, although she had plenty good memories in high school, she was only close to some of the students there. In addition, she lose contact with those who she had considered as friends. Sometimes, she wonders whether these "friends" really consider her as a friend or just tolerates her existence. It was a bit painful, but she moved past that. She has to. 

When she got into high school, it was less than a year since she immigrated to the country. Students her age already have groups, clicks, best friends, close friends, et cetera. People talked to her and her sister out of curiosity, but never really to form strong bonds. She also did not know how to form one. She was spoiled. See, she had the same best friend since elementary and she left her. She left her best friend and there were no communications at all. People might think or ask now, "Phone? Email? Facebook?" But see here, it was twenty-eleven. Computers had been around, but it was only around that time when social media or email was a thing. In addition, she never had those. None. She did not have Facebook nor email nor phone. Yes, when she immigrated, she did not have a phone, and when she did, it was not a smartphone. It was a Motorola with raised keypads. Not touch screen. Then, long distance call was too expensive. The phone number she and her sister used (they shared the phone) was under her aunt's contract, but her dad had to pay whatever was billed to that phone number. 

She  made an email address and a Facebook account eventually. Facebook was cool. It was new. It had games, she connected with her former classmates and her best friend - but it was not the same. She also got into trouble with it. Over time, Facebook became very tedious. But as anyone can see, distance and non-communication did a number on her relationships with former friends and classmates. She never returned to her home country as well since her immigration. It was too expensive. She and her sister grew up knowing the importance of money, but only during those times did things really open her eyes to reality. It was humbling, but also scary and sad and lonely. 

Now, eleven years later, she believes she has to go through those things so she can see rainbows and reflections - like a kaleidoscope, but made with a broken glass. She is shattered, but still remain beautiful and kind.